Who We Really Are - An Epiphany

Scripture: “We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.” –Article of Faith 1

 I Know Who Bob Really Is

One of life’s great questions is, “Who am I?”  At the end of the summer of 1978, I had a remarkable experience that gave me my first glimmer of an answer to that question. My studies made me more aware of the nature of God, how he works or in other words, “His Ways,” and how this knowledge affects me as His daughter. This experience was literally an epiphany.

The American Heritage Dictionary says that an epiphany is: a revelatory manifestation of a divine being; a sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something; a comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization: “I experienced an epiphany, a spiritual flash that would forever change the way I viewed myself.”- Frank Maier.

          While talking with Bob, whom I’d never met, on our second phone call in the summer of 1978, the Holy Ghost descended upon me, enabling me to see or know Bob as God knows him. I beheld his eternal nature. I was humbled that this great soul would select me to be his eternal companion…and yes, at that moment I knew that he would indeed ask me to marry him, and we would be sealed together in the temple for time and all eternity. 

As a member of the church I’d received the gift of the Holy Ghost after I was baptized in 1965. But I’d never experienced anything but the subtle influences of that still small voice, until this epiphany. It took place in time for over an hour as I talked on the phone with Bob. This occurred simultaneously; now I realize that this was the way God perceives, everything all at once.

Scripture: “…but there is no God beside me, and all things are present with me, for I know them all.” –Moses 1:6

Needless to say, I didn’t apply this vision to myself for many years. I just knew how great Bob was, and that I was honored that he wanted me for his eternal companion for not only time, but for eternity. As a Latter Day Saint I believe that we are spiritual sons and daughters of Heavenly Father and literally that our spirits were born to heavenly parents. As His children, we lived for many hundreds of thousands of years with them, brothers and sisters in what is called the Pre-existence.

In my epiphany I’d seen Bob in the pre-existence, and I saw how he agreed to the circumstances of the life he was to live here upon earth, and then I was privileged to see him in the eternities as God saw him. 

This has certain parallels with Abraham’s experience as recounted in the Book of Abraham 3:22-26

Scripture: “Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these were many of the noble and great ones;

            “And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou wast born.”

            Everyone who ever has lived upon this earth was with God as spirit children in the pre-existence and when there was a Grand Council held where God told us that we could progress only if we obtained a body and came to an earth just as He once had, we had to decide which plan presented in this council we would follow. Christ presented a plan and Satan presented a plan. The resulting action is often referred to as the war in heaven.

Scripture: “And there stood one among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him: We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we will make an earth whereon these may dwell;

            “And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;”

            This scripture is actually quoted in my patriarchal blessing.  I have made it a focal point in my life to be found doing what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing. Thus this blog.

          Here is a photo of Bob at about five years old and one a little older.

A Swarm of Service

Beekeeping Surprises

          Every Spring bees swarm and this past few weeks have been no exception here in Southern Arizona. The TV news people are telling us what to do with all those swarming bees. Bill Welch, one of my husband's best friends came to visit this morning. I had discovered yesterday through a mutual friend, Roy Lacey, that both were very interested in bees. Turns out Bill had some 80 hives when he was a young man. He's had lots of practical experience with bees. He told me he had a hive under a grapefruit tree and he would go lay out on the ground near the entrance to the hive and just watch them. "They were really docile. Some of them would return to the hive with various colors of pollen." It was a very special time for this beekeeper. I asked him about swarming and he told me it is simply that the hive was too crowded over the winter and the queen had laid several "eggs" in specially built hexagonal chambers that were fed exclusively with royal jelly and had become "large as a peanut." So the queen bee decided it was time to go find a new home. It was simply like splitting a ward in the church; when a congregation reached around 700 they split it into two wards.
          I asked if it was a terrible thing for home owners to kill all the swarms they found near their home if on a branch of a tree, (obviously not in their home) and he said, "Oh that's not good because without the bees our fruit trees would just flower and never bear fruit. More often than not they are just swarming then sending out scouts to find a new place to live." He went on to say that a real beekeeper would take a cardboard box (He actually did this and it was no big thing) and give a sharp tap to the branch and all the bees would fall into the box. He'd then tape it up, carry it home to a prepared hive box, open it up and tip it toward the entrance and they'd all just march in, happy as can be. Well, I'll bee doggone. With the advent of an Africanized strain of bees, however, since Bill retired he only has two hives (they are still a lot of work);  one is an aggressive hive and one is a docile hive. Now he wears protection all of the time; but before he'd let the bees crawl all over him if they wanted to.

We have Been Covered in Service This Past Week        

          A ward in our LDS church is like a hive when it comes to service. When a worker bee finds a source of pollen he returns to the hive and lets everyone know the directions to that source. In a ward, the members let the leadership know where there is a need for service and the Ward Council meets and discusses what can be done to help. This past week Bob and I have been the focus of prayers, phone calls, offers to bring over dinner and lots of other small acts of kindness. I've decided that at this time in my life where my whole focus is on my eternal companion, Bob, that I will blog these last special days of his life. Bill called this a transition stage. To a non-member they wouldn't understand this terminology, but knowing who we are, where we came from, why we are here and where we go after we die is knowledge that provides Joy and Hope rather than fear, despair, anxiety and all the other sad emotions that occur when a loved on is dying or has died. My blog will hopefully reflect our philosophy, be relatively positive, yet realistically record a truly special person's final days on this earth. We all have regrets, felt we are failures in some area of our life and come to realize, when time runs out, that ooops we don't have any time left to do those things that we've either procrastinated or we'd been too scared to do for some reason. There are regrets of omission and regrets of commission. Maybe, Bob, who is very very private will open up and talk about some of these things. I'm the fortunate one because I get to see the love and esteem others have for him, and the kind, little (and sometimes not so little) acts of kindness they bestow on our family.

I'll Present Bob's Life in Photos and Stories

Sometimes in His Own Words Via His Writings, Too

At the end of this blog is a photo of Bob about 1933 on his Tricycle. No, he doesn't have much interest in cowboys, guns and such now, but he did ride a bicycle on Kwajalein, in the Marshall Islands, when we lived there in the early 1990s. He's actually only owned one red plaid flannel shirt in his adult life that I know about, but Brianna our daughter decided that it was hers now.

Bri wears her father, Bob's, Red Flannel Shirt

She also captured an old T-shirt from the 1994 50th Anniversary Commemoration of the Battle of Kwajalein-Roi-Namur. He had thrown it away and she said, "No Way," and hauled it out of the trash and  took it home with her. She said that since she was pregnant, it would come in handy when she'd just want a large, soft T-shirt to wear and this one was just perfect, holes and stains and all.

Bob's Kwaj Tshirt is just the right soft bluejeans color for Bri since she's expecting. She anticipates wearing this large soft Tshirt a lot in the last months of her pregnancy. By the way, it's a boy and her due date is Bob's birthday!

Memories of our parents lives are special and their clothing, toys, books and other possessions become special touchstones to us.

Bob plays cowboy about age 3 riding his greyhound tricycle

Bee's Wings A Mystery!

The Mystery of How Fat, Heavy, Pollen-laden Bees can Fly Using those Tiny Wings

          Until the advent of high speed cinematography and robotics,  science could not explain how a large bodied bee could fly, much less explain how it could  hover or carry pollen equal to its weight back to the hive. Using slow motion photography, then reproducing the bee wings actions in a large robotic bee wing, scientists have found some pretty miraculous movements that have little to do with traditional aerodynamics. Bees have two pair of wings, the hind pair being the smaller of the two. In 2005 using the above technology, Michael Dickinson and his Caltech colleagues studied honey bee flight and found the bees wing beat frequency flaps approximately 230 times per second. This is faster than a fruit fly (200 times per second) which is 80 times smaller.

 

Honey Bees on a Cactus Flower

           There is another unique feature besides speed to these wings. Caltech's analysis revealed that sufficient lift was generated by "the unconventional combination of short, choppy wing strokes, a rapid rotation of the wing as it flops over and reverses direction." Add this to the very fast wing-beat frequency and you have lift off with great weight bearing capacity.

Short, Choppy Wing Strokes with Rapid Rotation as it Flops Over and 

Reverses Direction Could be Described as 

The Figure Eight Sideways Symbol of Infinity

This BEE's Burden has Infinite Overtones

          I've had a seriously stressful month, starting off with a case of the Norovirus Flu that I probably caught in a nursing home where I was visiting Mary who had knee surgery. For two weeks, four days each week, two + hours a day I spent visiting teaching her...well, I'd say getting to know her better, being a friend and learning about her life. But, locally this flu had outbreaks in nursing homes. I got sick General Conference Sunday with vomiting and severe diarrhea; My husband, Bob, got it the next Friday, and we had lots of decisions about who would GO where!!!
          My Husband then went into a rapid decline. To bring you up to date (because I don't talk much about personal stuff here; but am rethinking that) he was diagnosed with end stage prostate cancer that had metastasized to his spine last November. He went into hospice at home the first of December and now the cancer has spread lesions into his shoulders, and ribs. The bottom line is that his knees are often very weak and he falls; and the pain is pretty severe. The doctor has increased his pain meds so that is under control but each month there is more "breakthrough" pain. At the end of that first week in April a milestone in this decline process was reached. He was catheterized. This is great because he doesn't have to get up every couple hours, thus is less apt to fall. But, he doesn't go out of the house anymore. This means that I have added responsibilities.

BEE's Wings Strengthened to Carry the Load

          My husband and I are having lots of discussions about death and dying. We've shared some very sweet moments and felt the joy of God's love for us. We see his hand every day in many, many ways as our prayers are answered, needs met and dear friends visit us. Here are a few examples of what I mean.    
         A 13 yr old deacon in our ward, Mikey Seno, heard that my husband wanted a laptop so he could read books from the library and play DVDs in his bed or chair, but that we could not afford one. He came up to me before sacrament meeting and handed me his. He said he was not using it right now. WOW. It turns out a new neighbor (remember we live out on a country road and don't have access to comcast, etc.) has a wireless connection and at Bob's bedroom end of the house there is a connection! Now he has to learn how to use this new lap top. What fun! It's a great excuse for my daughter to have one on one time with her dad.
          Yesterday, Dwayne Rosemore came by to install a shelf on the wall over Bob's bed so that we could attach a light for him to read by, this is also handy for the wireless phone, books being read, and a mug of water. I'd been helping Dwayne with finding and entering family names into NewFamilySearch for them to take to the temple. Last week I mentioned our problem of needing a light on that wall by the bed and he said that he'd found two shelves at Dessert Industries but had only used one of them. It is exactly the right length, the right width and was installed with lots of "man talk" to my husband's delight. Dwayne rehung a painting, added 4X4 blocks of wood so the bed would not be pushed too close to the window air conditioner and new shelf.
          Today Roy Lacey, from our ward, came by to talk "politics" and a myriad of other subjects the two of them enjoy and will return library books and magazines for us. For several months he'd been taking my husband to the library and then go for a chocolate shake at In and Out Burger. Can you tell from this that my husband is a bibliophile? Last week Roy and his wife Karin came over with a couple frozen lasagna's from Costco. I think this was just wonderful, because by the end of the day, I just don't have much energy left to cook dinner. Bob has finally said, "Since I'm dying I guess I don't have to watch my weight anymore, do I? His recent delight has been chocolate bunnies then when they disappeared... Hershey's nuggets. Today, he says, my tastes are changing again...I like some shortbread cookies; you know the really good, buttery, sinful ones. Yep, I know the ones. My biggest challenge is not to eat what he's eating. I tell him to keep them on the shelves of his room. I've lost 35 pounds since this saga began last November, and I don't want to gain any of it back.
          So my burden's are made light by loving friends and family. I am so thankful for the gospel and the eternal perspective that it brings to living and dying. Bob and I have been sealed in the Lord's temple for time and all eternity. In the infinite scheme of things, we know where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going when we die. We pray only that God's will and work will be done through us and that we may be found standing on His right hand. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the restored church that Jesus founded in the meridian of time. The gift of the Holy Ghost is a practical guide and comforter to us in our times of trial and sickness; I see this every day. I know that God lives and that he specifically loves Bob and specifically loves me. He hears my prayers and they are answered. This is my testimony.