Week 12 #52Ancestors Misfortune

Valley of the Shadow of Death

     Our family had been in Guadalajara only a few months and my mother became ill. She went into the hospital with pneumonia. Apparently she had been given many different prescriptions in California by her doctor (he spoke with thick German accent which she couldn’t understand) so that by the time her condition worsened after the stress of moving to another country, they couldn’t find a medicine that would cure her easily.

     They persisted and indeed she recovered from it, came home and took a turn for the worst. In hindsight, she had Alzheimer’s disease, and this final illness kicked it up a notch. She had to be put onto oxygen, lost the strength in her legs and needed help getting to the bathroom. Even putting up her Christmas tree and favorite orange and purple ornaments on it didn’t raise her spirits. The ladies from church came to visit several times a week, but all she could say was that she didn’t want them there. Her personality changed from a gregarious Relief Society Secretary to an angry, contentious old woman.  

     I had to scold her occasionally when she spoke roughly to Brianna, whom she loved. The medical system in Guadalajara was fantastic however. Dr. Menesis, a member of our ward, came to the house frequently. Imagine, house visits from a world famous doctor (He specialized in Bach Flores and had an office in Switzerland) and oxygen and supplies delivered to the home. Her mind became confused and she began repeating words over and over again. I asked her if she could stop doing that and she said no. Within three days of this symptom, she died on 15 Dec 1995. She was never convinced that she didn’t have pneumonia anymore, but she died from something else entirely.

Bob’s Journey in the 

Valley of the Shadow of Death

     The reason I’ve told the story about my mother’s death in Guadalajara is because when the #52Ancestors prompt was Misfortune, I couldn’t think of anything. I’d always thought of myself as Fortunate. However, after thinking about it I wrote quite a long story about my husband’s death on 9 May 2012 at the age of 82. It’s been almost six years ago.

     If you go back through my blog you will see that I stopped writing soon after this date and had good intentions but never really became consistent again until now. Thanks Amy Johnson Crow.

     At Bob’s death I kept a detailed journal so that I could remember to thank all of the people who came to comfort us during his last days. Indeed I thought that I would blog about my journey through the valley of the shadow of death. But, I wrote, “I thought I’d be able to write about grief and how I handle my beloved’s death, but quite frankly it’s just so subtle and too personal.” I did write daily in my journal and have two full notebooks for 2012. However, I just couldn’t keep up this blog.

     In rereading these journal pages, I found a wonderful story of funny moments, tender caring moments, weird bizarre moments, and surprising sacred moments that led to a revelation or two when Bob died.

     Just as friends and family gave comfort, advice and service, shared great food, so did the new friends we’d made in Guadalajara when my mom became bedridden. Our American Legion friends and ward member friends came to serve. At least in Guadalajara it is a law that the body cannot be moved for 24 hours. This gave time for the Relief Society Presidency to clean and dress my mother in her white temple clothing and for us to cuddle and cry and say our goodbyes.

     So when Bob died in Arizona, Brianna and I took an hour or so to say our goodbyes before we called the people at the hospice company we used and they sent a nurse over to listen to his heart for a minute and declare him dead at 2:15 am, even though he actually died at 12:34am. Brianna was pregnant at this time and she needed to use the bathroom. Bob’s breathing had gotten more shallow and longer between little pauses and deep breaths, so when she left the room, I said to him, “Bob, Don’t die before she gets back!” And he didn’t. Two minutes after she returned, and was sitting at his head, and I at his feet, he took his last breath.

     Brianna stood up and looked at me and said, “I thought I’d be crying, but I’m happy instead.” We both felt lifted up. The Holy Ghost, the comforter was at work in our lives. Yes as the months went on, I noticed that the handwriting in my journal began very scratchy, confused and rambling, but finally became more coherent and I began setting short term goals again. I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the eternal perspective it provides. I know where our spirits came from, and where it goes after we die. And one day, we will all rise again and unite with our bodies because of Jesus and his great work.  

     Next week is Easter and this post is appropriate for the week before and all of the stories that go along with His last days upon the earth and the gift He has given to us.

Psalms 23:4 

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will 

fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

LAURA BUSH ADDRESSES ROOTSTECH 2015

James Tanner, a blogger friend, says "Laura Bush and her daughter, Jenna Bush Hager. She says every child in America should learn to read. Reading is not just a cause, but a passion of her life. Talks about the National Book Festival. You need to hear her account of September 11th and time following. When all is said and done. We as genealogists need to embrace a more expansive view of what we do and why we do it. We also need to adopt a more inclusive, rather than exclusive attitude towards history and our own history. Laura Bush is an important part of our history. Let's embrace that history as we learn about our individual heritage."
This quote about Laura Bush's address as a Keynote speaker at RootsTech 2015 this morning addresses the central question of What are we Doing and Why are we Doing it? I go back to the church's main reason for changing the name of what we do:

Family History from Genealogy

It is not the "study of...genes" and we are not professionals. Instead we ARE experts of our own family. Now we have the tools and resources to add the LIFE to our own histories. We can add the spoken or sung word, we can attach documents that have been digitized, we can add photos, obituaries and tombstone data, we can learn about the places, times and customs of our ancestors. And now in the new Family Discovery Centers we can even see ourselves dressed in the period clothing worn by our ancestors. So Cool.

The Idea of Asking Yourself Five Questions

The concept of Everyone can spend just 90 seconds asking themselves to write the completion of this sentence:   

"I Remember...."

Now, complete the sentence five times. I fell asleep last night thinking of dozens of I remember when and I remember what, and I remember who, and this is what bloggers do. They tie their past to the present by remembering. That's why I've named my blog Malachi 3:16 so that I remember and I communicate often to others who love the Lord.

Also, Devin Ashby, from FamilySearch, in his talk on what's new, said when he asked his very young daughter to do this by drawing a map of the five things she remembered, She did this amazing drawing. Then he recorded her explaining her drawing on his phone. Oh my gosh. This tiny little voice captured for all of her descendants to hear. Wish I'd had my mom's voice on tape.

I remember my next door neighbor, Donna Belle Uebele, writing a poem about me 1956.

This is me (age 12) and the window on the right is my bedroom
Donna Belle's dining room window is to the left

Donna would buy me books at the Goodwill store..."The Beverly Gray Mystery Series" and we could borrow any of her kids books, too. Did I adore this woman? Yes. I love a good mystery to this day.

Winner of the Innovators Showcase is StoryWorth

I have questions sent to me every so often from Legacy Stories and do I answer them? All this for free, and we've been asked to write our own story for posterity, so did it motivate me? Did the jar with little questions on slips of paper motivate my husband to tell his story? NO 

Now, would I pay for this even if I could answer by phone every week? NO

How many descendants do I have... one daughter and three grandchildren under 8. Are they interested in my stories.... NO

Why Do I Continue to Record my Thoughts and Stories here?

Guess I can't answer that but with other questions. Do I have the gene that urges, no compels me to keep a journal? Is there a record keeping gene that is passed down? Am I so conceited that I think others will care what I think or write?

It is these questions and concerns that probably have kept me from writing online in my blog consistently during the past year. Yet, I return, determined to repent and get busy again. I resolve to TWEET, BLOG, post on FACEBOOK, keep a Pinterest account and prompt me to buy a new SMART PHONE to replace my dumb one. Will I keep my landline? Yes. Why? Probably nostalgia because even though he was just a room away, my husband Bob would call me once a day to say hi with his sexy voice right in my ear. Sure wish I had a phone line to heaven and he could talk to me again.

Day Two of RootsTech 2015

A disappointment that after a short talk from D. Joshua Taylor of FindMyPast that part of the live streaming went dead, ON PURPOSE. What is this all about? So I don't get to watch Laura Bush and have only one quote of her talk via a blogger there in person. It is:

"Walk on the beach any chance you get."

I've found a quote from my favorite blogger James Tanner, too about yesterday's keynote:

"Keynote by Dennis Brimhall, CEO of FamilySearch International. I note that they are using the name of the corporation including the "International" part for the first time. This is a change. He is getting a degree in family history from BYU Idaho. This year we will have about 21,927 people registered so far. They have people from 35 countries, but their graph had no dot for Australia and I am sitting next to three very nice ladies from Australia including famous blogger, Jill Ball."

I'd noticed this too, but a day later...today. FamilySearch International. I've been very interested in Mexican Records since my husband and I lived in Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico from 1995 to 2001. 

Bob Field with Family History Center Staff and first box of films

The photo above shows a DAR lady who was searching at the center. Guadalajara had many expatriots living there, so we were the first bilingual center south of the northern border states of Mexico. 

The dream is coming true!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because my passion was family history and it WAS difficult to research US records from so far away, I organized a bilingual Family History Symposium with experts from Mexico and US. My husband, as Center director participated in delivering papers. One of the main suggestions that came from that conference was to digitize and index the millions of Mexico records that have been mircrofilmed by the LDS Church over the past 40 years. The dream is coming true!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bob listens to expert presenter in Spanish with headphones

Yesterday CEO Brimhall said that with Ancestry's help, over 50 million Mexican records would be indexed and 

online by the end of the year 2015.

Today Josh Taylor displayed this overhead projection during his speech.

This says it all. When I moved to Mexico twenty years ago, I found only one place with online accessability and that was BYU's Family History Center. So we got an internet connection. But the technology just wasn't there. Now, even in Africa.....well maybe not Australia, according to James Tanner, thanks to the collaboration of Ancestry, My Heritage, FindMyPast and FamilySearch International, ANYONE, ANYWHERE, can find the DATA to connect with the family's ancestors, and feel the joy of discovering, the excitement of solving their own mystery. Love it! 

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD, HE COMFORTS ME

On Grieving

     Recently, the teacher in Relief Society handed me a slip of paper to either share my thoughts and experiences relating to the topic or invite others to share experiences and lead a discussion. My question was “How has the Holy Ghost helped you in the midst of difficult times or when faced with opposition?”  The young widowed mother of three sitting next to me got a question about how the Holy Ghost helped her in her home. She said that she didn’t think it applied to her and didn’t know how to answer it. I told her that just from what I knew about her recent decisions to extend a class at the University for her autistic 13 year old son, that she made a prayerful decision to go ahead with it even though logically, it was going to be quite time consuming. She said, “Oh, well I guess I do rely on the Holy Ghost, don’t I ?” Another woman shared that she kind of felt that we were like swimmers immersed in water. When we came upon something in the water, we’d just swim around it. As Latter-day Saint women, we are immersed in the Holy Ghost if we are living lives worthy of it.

THE HOLY GHOST AND PERSONAL REVELATION

     Then it was my turn to share and I said, I’ve always lived making decisions prayerfully for both the large and small details of my life, so the swimming analogy really made sense to me. I told the women that I really didn’t have many difficulties in my life, but tried to live every day and every hour praying for guidance and wishing to do the Lord’s will; and I invited others to share experiences. One lady shared how when she was first married to a naval man she had a new “friend” come visit saying that she’d been told her that her husband was a Mormon, was she also a Mormon? When she answered yes, the woman began to rail against her and brought up every anti-Mormon  topic she’d ever heard. This young married woman, who also happens to be wheel chair confined, kept thinking and praying silently, ”What do I do?” and kept smiling calmly, not saying a thing. When the women finally ran down and quit talking, my friend simply bore her testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel, and what she believed. The other woman quietly left the house not saying another word.

     Our Relief Society President then commented about me, saying that she felt that taking care of a sick husband and then his dying, was for most people a “difficult time,” but the way I lived my life in proximity to the Lord, the Holy Ghost comforted me and helped me through it so that it didn’t seem so difficult. As I reflect back, there were many promptings that helped me during those last months of Bob’s life. For instance the thought came into my mind that moving a comfortable chair from the living room to replace one  in his bedroom, (one that if I sat in it more than ten minutes, my back would start to hurt) This occurred during what was to be the last ten days of his life. This act allowed me to spend much more time with him. You see at this point, I was using a walker to get around and so was either in a chair or my bed when I wasn’t cooking, cleaning, etc. I really had only enough energy to barely keep up simple daily tasks around the home, monitor Bob’s drugs and pain medicine, and personal hygiene tasks.

I SAW THE HOLY GHOST PROMPT OTHERS TO HELP US 

     Kind friends came over and helped with vacuuming the house and my daughter helped with dishes and mopping floors once a week. I saw the Holy Ghost working in other’s lives as they were prompted to come to visit and help us during the last months of his life. Bob didn’t think he was dying, and I certainly didn’t know when he might die, so we basically lived every day, one day at a time.

     I turned to my friend sitting next to me and said, “I guess my advice to you relates to my own situation, doesn’t it?”

ALL THINGS TESTIFY OF GOD

Leaving Church that Sunday to go home, I was driving through farmland and the truth's that I'd learned about grieving were visually pointed out to me. God was telling me that He is my Shepherd and he will comfort me and lead me.

I called out the window of my car, and this sheep heard my voice and looked up

     On the way home, I saw a flock of sheep grazing on what used to be a rice field or pasture where I’d never seen anything but crops. I love sheep. But I’d never seen any at all around here, much less this close to a road. 

There were sheep of all ages from baby lambs to large wooley sheep.

     

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

     

     All the baby lambs were with their mothers and I thought to myself… the Lord really is “my shepherd” and He does “maketh me to lie down in green pastures” and He does “restoreth my soul.” He leads me in paths of righteousness. Indeed, this last year I did “walk through the valley of the shadow of death” and He comforted me. His “rod”, His words in the scriptures, helped me through it all. I can testify that “His goodness and mercy have been with me all the days of my life.”

Calling out to the sheep, many heard me and looked up.  They came in all sizes and colors including black faced and white faced sheep. Some had been sheared and others had not. If I kept calling out I was afraid they would step over the little mound of earth that seemed to be the boundary to the rice field. You can see how easy it would have been for them by that little guy in the center that is standing on the mound. These mounds are used for flooding the rice paddy during the growing season.

     

     The Holy Ghost is the Comforter and  I have been comforted during this time of grieving. My grief has been light and often poignant, and never has been that crushing horrible pain that debilitates. This comes from the knowledge that I know where Bob is right now, and that one day, I will be with him again. He is my eternal companion.This life is just a moment, compared to the eternities that we will be together because of the sealing ordinances performed in the Lord's temple. Our vows were not “until death do you part” but were “for time and all eternity.” What a joy this thought brings. How grateful I am for the gift of the Holy Ghost conferred upon my head that long ago day after I was baptized. God’s plan is perfect. Christ’s atonement was the crowning event that provides this glorious promised  future for all those who will humble themselves, have faith in Christ, receive the ordinances of the gospel, live worthy, serve others and seek to do God’s will. THEN ENDURE TO THE END.

Technology Can Be Very Maddening

     Over the past year, several  people have commented on having problems viewing my blog because the background image is so distracting. Others have tried to post a long comment only to have it disappear into cyberspace. Technology can be very maddening sometimes. I've learned to copy into a word doc if I want to be sure what I am writing doesn't "disappear." This past year, with my husband Bob's death, I've been left with what I call "grieving holes" in my life. I can't seem to get back into a pattern and my blog has suffered from it. A recent friend's comment on my blog has awakened me to the original concept of my BEE postings: that during my life, I’ve enjoyed sharing the interesting things that I’ve discovered in my daily studies and travels with my friends. Sometimes this has enriched their lives.

     So, I will be attending RootsTech 2013 in Salt Lake this March to learn more about where technology in Family History is trending and share what I learn on my blog. Also, I've committed to the local Family History Center to volunteer every Saturday morning. Perhaps I can get back into regular posting on my blog about that, too.

Update on my life

About grieving: Although the Holy Ghost is the comforter, I've noticed that my life has been relatively level. I have moments of tears because a song played reminds me of my husband. Or where I see a scene on a television program that reminds me of something that we've done together in the past and now, we won't be doing that anymore. Yet, through all of these tear filled moments, I know that we are eternal companions and linked together forever. I see Bob's influence in my current life in the details. Like when the cashier at my local Fry's market gives me a bouquet of roses, after a prayerful desire to have Bob around. The rose was "our" flower. Since yesterday was Valentine's Day that Fry's cashier inviting me again to take a dozen free roses that were going out of date, was appropriate. My Sweetie remembered me from the other side of the veil and I got a dozen long stemmed roses!

     My daughter has also had a rough streak of grieving this past month. She is taking college courses mostly online and her math class has been difficult for her this timea round. Her dad used to tutor her in math. He was a gifted teacher and as we homeschooled wherever we lived, he became more and more involved. Finally in Guadalajara, he became her math teacher on a regular basis. Always patient, he would explain things to her in a way she could understand them. Now, she has to struggle doing it alone.

The above photos were taken on Kwajalein where we lived from 1991-5 showing Bob giving Brianna a music lesson and working on a science project.

     I had planned on keeping my grieving process on this blog, but when it came right down to it, I somehow just couldn't do it. I did, however, keep a journal, where I wrote extensively. Recently, I've just made contact with Bob's son from his first marriage (Ann died at a very young age, leaving him with two small boys) and shared with him the many photos we put together for a slide show of his life for his memorial service. I'd put that slide show here, if I could figure out technically how to do it. Hmmm, a future goal is in the making.

About Remembering Our Parents: I was reminded recently about how much I looked like my father, Joseph Marvin Eckles. Apparently as I grow older, the family facial characteristics seem more remarkable. So I posted these photos in Facebook as a comparison. But quite frankly they are the ONLY ones that show the resemblance:

 

 

 

My father above is age 27 and this is me at age 23

 

     My mother, Vivian Ruthe Utterback,  was born on February 1, 1912 and so this month to celebrate her 101st birthday ...she died in 15 Dec 1985, I have been posting quite a few photos of her on Facebook also. I've posted photos from just a few months old on up through her life. My next blog will be about her with some of those photos.

 

 

 



The Transition from Life - Who We Really Are

I have not written here for several weeks. My beloved eternal companion, Bob Field, passed away in the early morning hours of Wednesday, May 9th.

Bob Field 1930 - 2012

           I have kept a journal of all the sacred moments we shared; I also made long lists of all the people in my ward who have comforted me, given service to both Bob and me. They are shining examples of followers of Christ.  In the Book of Mormon, Alma explains to those who desire to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ, what is required of them.
SCRIPTURE: "... and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light;
          "Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life-"
          "Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?"

 -- Mosiah 18: 8-10

The people there clapped their hands for joy and exclaimed "This is the desire of our hearts." The members of my ward family found joy in serving Bob and me during his last weeks on earth. 

PONDERING THE ETERNITIES

          It is during these very poignant times that one ponders Who We Really Are. As I told you on my post of April 28th, I found out who Bob really was during an epiphany experience that I had before we were married in the summer of 1978.

THE EPIPHANY         

          While talking with Bob, whom I’d never met, on our second phone call, the Holy Ghost descended upon me, enabling me to see or know Bob as God knows him. I beheld his eternal nature. I was humbled that this great soul would select me to be his eternal companion…and yes, at that moment I knew that he would indeed ask me to marry him, and we would be sealed together in the temple for time and all eternity. 

            Needless to say, I didn’t apply this vision to myself. I just knew how great Bob was. I’d seen him in the pre-existence, saw how he agreed to the circumstances of this life he was to live here on earth, and then I was privileged to see him in the eternities as God saw him. 

            While our family was living on the island of Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands (1990-1994)

An LDS friend shared with me that she was of the literal seed or descent from Jesus Christ. Whether this was real revelatory knowledge or was stated in her patriarchal blessing, I cannot remember. But it gave her strength to carry on during times of trials and hardships as well as during physical distress or illness. It matters not whether she is indeed literally his heir, because it stands as a symbol of her divine nature and how Christ helps her during trails while here in mortality. The reality is that Christ’s sacrifice helps bring her into at-one-ment with God, both now and after death. Doesn’t this reality apply to all of us?  

HOW THIS RELATES TO ME

           This shared view of her reality suddenly brought into focus what I’d learned about Bob’s eternal nature as it related to me.  I, too, must be endowed with this same nature. Because I had “seen” Bob’s past, present and future knowing that he had selected and agreed with the family and circumstances he was born into because it was for his own good or growth, I then must assume that I also had agreed in the pre-existence to my own life. Since God loved Bob (and I had felt His great love that he had for this son) perfectly and could see everything about him from the beginning to the end, I had to draw the logical conclusion that not only was Bob great, but so was I. Now that thought was a little tougher to swallow.  I couldn’t quite bring myself to accept this totally. In 1999 while living in Guadalajara, Mexico, I came across a perfect description of just exactly what I had experienced in my epiphany in a book called “Spiritual Progression in the Last Days” By Blaine M. Yorgason.[1]

            This is the exact moment in my life that I gained an understanding of my eternal nature and true identity. I want to share these passages from his book with the hope that it will awake in others the knowledge of who they truly are. It is what I was searching for all of my life. This is the knowledge that banishes all fear. Now I quote Yorgason:

            “Unfortunately, based on my own limited experience in discussing the issue of spiritual progression with others, I am forced to conclude that not many will press forward—not because we can’t, mind you, but solely because we won’t. Why? Primarily, I believe, because we fear.

            “We know something of our own carnal natures – the natural man we all inherited at birth – and we fear that we can not put it behind us. And even when we actually overcome the natural man by being born again, we continue to fear like Laman and Lemuel, that the Lord will make no such glorious things known to us as He has promised .”[2]

            “I have pondered long on this, and I believe that such paralyzing fear, while satanically inspired, stems almost wholly from not understanding our eternal natures and identities. I also believe that many of the difficulties we experience in mortality could be avoided or at least made lighter if we could only come to such an eternal understanding more quickly.”

            “As President John Taylor taught: This is the reason why we are here, and kicked and cuffed around, and hated and despised by the world. The reason why we do not live in peace is because we are not prepared for it. We are tempted and tried, driven, mobbed, and robbed; apostates are in our midst, which cause trouble and vexation of spirit, and it is all to keep down our pride and teach us to honor the God of Jacob in all things and to make us appear who we really are.” [3]

            “Even when we hear of those who will inherit the celestial kingdom, we desire to be one of them and have met the requirements to be such, yet many of us continue to say, ‘But that isn’t me God is talking about. It can’t be! I know myself too well, and I’ll never make it that far – at least not in this life.”

IS THIS YOUR THOUGHT? IT WAS MINE          

         Yorgason continues, “If you find yourself entertaining such thoughts, which are more typical than you might imagine, then please consider the following which I have found helpful. On Christmas day in 1844, W.W. Phelps wrote a letter that was published in the Times and Seasons 5:758, wherein he spoke of the meaning of eternity.”

            “Brother Phelps wrote: That eternity (the one during which Christ’s doings have been known), agreeable to the records found in the catacombs of Egypt, has been going on in this system … almost two thousand five hundred and fifty-five million of years.”

            “Elder Bruce R. McConkie, who quotes a small portion of this letter, adds: That is to say, the papyrus from which the Prophet Joseph translated the Book of Abraham, to whom the Lord gave a knowledge of his infinite creations, also contained this expression relative to what apparently is the universe in which we live, which universe has been created by the Father through the instrumentality of the Son.”[4]

            “Thus, Jehovah began His eternal reign some two thousand five hundred fifty-five million years ago, or, said another way, two and a half billion years. That was when. But how, where, and why did Christ’s eternal reign begin?”

            “In answer, Joseph Smith spoke of  ‘the head of the Gods’ calling a ‘council of the Gods’ to arrange for the creation and peopling of the earth[5] as well as of ‘the grand council of heaven’ in which those destined ‘to minister to the inhabitants of the world’ were ‘ordained’ to their respective callings.[6] It was one of these councils, held only a little less than 2,555,000,000 years ago, that Jehovah offered himself as the one to go down to earth and bring to pass the Father’s plan of salvation through His own life and death and resurrection.”[7]

WE WERE IN ATTENDANCE AT ONE OF THE COUNCILS IN HEAVEN            
          As Yorgason continues, “What astounds me, is that each of us was also in attendance  at least one of those councils on that long ago date, offering a sustaining vote in our Savior’s behalf, rejecting Lucifer’s counterfeit plan, and being absolutely certain of our own identities as we did so. And once Jehovah had been sustained as God and Christ, we who had thus kept our first estates were foreordained to our own future mortal assignments, and set about learning how to accomplish them. Elder McConkie writes[8] that:  Since men are foreordained to gain exaltation, and since no man can be exalted without the priesthood, it is almost self-evident that worthy brethren were foreordained to receive the priesthood. And so we find Alma teaching that those who held the Melchizedek Priesthood in this

life were ‘called and prepared from the foundation of the world according to the foreknowledge of God.’[9]

            “Remember – the foundation of the world was 2.5 billion years ago. And Joseph Smith said, ‘Every man who has a calling to minister to the inhabitants of the world, and this includes all who held the Melchizedek Priesthood, were ordained to that very purpose in the Grand Council of heaven before this world was. I suppose that I was ordained to this very office in that Grand council.’[10]

YORGASON'S CONCLUSIONS CHANGE HOW I VIEW MY FELLOW MAN            

          “Therefore, I conclude that despite the fairly negative pictures most of us have of ourselves as struggling and usually failing weak mortals (which picture is based on satanically inspired doubts as well as an incredibly brief span of time here on earth that we are allowed to remember), we are all, in reality, ancient beings filled with glory, light and knowledge. And we acquired those godly traits by exercising ‘exceeding faith and good works’[11]over at least two and a half billion years of time.”

            “With that mind-boggling fact before us, consider these questions:

1)                  Since I know that I had an eternal pre-mortal identity separate from what I am today, what do I suppose my name was during that lengthy life we call our first estate?

2)                  Is not that glorious and ancient identity more properly the “true” me than the one I know now, which is at best no more than a few decades old?

3)                  Is two and a half billion years sufficient time for me to have become acquainted not only with Christ and our Father, but also with all the holy angels such as Gabriel, Raphael, and Michael?

4)                  Is it not possible that I not only knew such great beings but also mingled among them as an eternal equal, even with similar assignments? And …

5)                  Since I successfully kept my first estate for at least two and a half billion years, isn’t it foolish and shortsighted for me to doubt my ability to keep my second estate for a mere seventy or eighty years?

            “It is no wonder that the devil, who has an intimate knowledge of our true identities, tries so hard to convince us that we are without spiritual merit. If he can’t, then he knows he has lost, and we will never be miserable like him.”

            “Jesus Christ lives and stands waiting with outstretched arms to ‘take up his abode with us,’ and He will do so as quickly as we are willing to put aside the world and give our hearts and lives wholly to Him.’

NOW IT IS MY TURN TO SEE IF I CAN DO THIS ALONE

          Is the "true" me willing to keep my second estate until the end as did my eternal companion? Yes. I am not really alone. Heavenly Father is intimately aware of me and my needs both large and small. Often he meets these needs through the tender mercies of the members of my ward family. He allows me the comfort in knowing that Bob is serving on the other side of the veil, through impressions that I have have received. And he has given me a daughter, Brianna, who loves me and spends time with me. Her husband Ricky promised Bob that he would look out for his "girls" for him; and he has been doing just that. I feel loved, not lonely.

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[1] “SpiritualProgression in the Last Days” by Blaine M. Yorgason, 1994, Deseret Book, epilogue.

[2] 1 Nephi 15:8-10

[3] John Taylor, Times and Seasons, 6:1, 100-101.

[4] Bruce R. McConkie, The Mortal Messiah, Book 1, 1979, Deseret Book, p. 32-33, footnotes.

[5] See D&C 121:30-32; Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith,  pp 348-349.

[6] Teachings p 365

[7] See Abraham 3:27; Moses 4:1-2; Isaiah 14:13-14; see also The Promised Messiah,  p 48.

[8] Bruce R. McConkie, Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, 3:328.

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[9] Alma 13:1-12.

[10] Teachings, p 365.

[11] Alma 13:3

The Mystery of the Shortbread Cookie Caper Solved

The Mention of Bob's Shortbread Cookie Desire is Answered

          Just hours after I posted my April 27th blog entitled "A Swarm of Service," a mysterious thing happened. It was quite dark out, I was listening to the TV in my room when I heard Bob calling out to me. He said, "Did you hear the doorbell ring?" No, I replied, and got up to go look. I turned on the porch light and there sat a large, red lidded Rubbermaid storage container filled with shortbread cookies sitting upon the mail from our mailbox. But there was no sign of a car or anyone around.

          I delivered the cookies to Bob and WOW were they GOOD. Buttery, perfectly crunchy and not too soft, and large! Each cookie measured about 3 inches across. They were Empress cookies. The best we'd ever eaten. Thus began the search for the Cookie Queen who' bestowed a gift after Bob's request for shortbread cookies.
          It was perfect timing because as he began to spend more time in bed and wake during the night, he could munch a cookie without waking me when he got hungry.

          Of course, I was trying to lose weight, so I was glad they were beyond my sight and reach most of the time  (I actually only ate one from this batch). But alas, he ran out of them. He begged me to find out who had made these fabulous cookies. He made me call Relief Society to help hunt for the Queen of Shortbread Cookies! Everyone that was asked said it wasn't them. It had to be someone who'd read my blog. Although I'd posted a link to that blog on my Facebook page, and posted a link on the Sisters of Picture Rocks Facebook Page (comprised of 57 women in my ward who share non-religious networking tips, ideas, etc.with each other) I never mentioned Bob's Shortbread Cookie desire. Someone had clicked on the Facebook link, saw a need and decided to perform an act of service.

THE COOKIE MONSTER

          I never knew I was married to the Cookie Monster! When I was talking to the 2nd Counselor in Relief Society, Ann Bodmer, Bob got on the phone and said, this is serious!!! It's a matter of life and death!!!!! We all laughed but I knew he was a bit serious about it. When Ann called Liz Gary to see if it was her, she posted a request on TSOPR Facebook page to find out who'd made them because now the fame of these absolutely delicious cookies was spreading far and wide. Everyone wanted the recipe. At 2:30pm the next afternoon, two plastic bags of "warm" right-out-the-oven, shortbread cookies arrived again at our door.
          After this delivery the cookies were almost gone in a day. Bob had become a Cookie Monster.

THE SEARCH FOR THE COOKIE QUEEN BEGINS IN EARNEST 

          This time I was nearer the front door when the doorbell rang, but when I got there, the cookies and the mail were there and no one else. I stepped out on the porch peered around the saguaro and then heard a car (hidden by a big ironwood tree at the edge of the driveway) pull out onto the road going West and caught a quick glimpse of a maroon van!!! I only knew two people who had vans. I called the first one...she told me her van was green. THAT ONLY LEFT ONE! The Worl Family. They used to give me rides to church when Bob had early morning ward council meetings. But it had been over a year ago, and they'd added twin boys to their family. But every time Mattie, now age 9, and Caleb, now age 5, would see me at church they'd call out to me and give me big smiles...we'd bonded. So I called Tatiana, their mother, and indeed it was the three of them that baked the cookies and delivered them. It was the kids idea to bring our mail up to the door! Mystery solved.

There is More to the Story

          Tatiana shared with me that they'd never meant it to be secret, but the first time no one answered the bell or knocking on the door so they left. The second time was purposeful; they parked behind our house and made a quick get away! She told me how special it was that the kids were so excited about helping bake and deliver the cookies. When she saw the post, she had to go looking all over for the great shortbread recipe she remembered using in the past and at last found it in a book called "Christmas Cookies."
          She really felt a prompting to do this little act of kindness for Bob. She shared a special story with me about her grandfather who was failing in health having had a series of strokes. His favorite thing to do was to go walking with his dog, but he'd done less and less of this after each health setback. She felt prompted to go over to his home in a mobile home park one Friday and ask if he'd like to go for a walk. The response was YES!!!! They walked all around visiting with neighbors and their dogs, etc. They had a wonderful time. The following Sunday he had a massive stroke, and soon died.
          Brianna had a similar experience with her father, Bob. They went out to lunch at Saffron, an Indian food restaurant in Tucson. The food was fabulous, their conversation covered the many topics they both love and she'd left the kids with G.G. so that they could focus on each other. That is a cherished memory for both of them. Bob is not able to go out like this anymore. He is basically home bound now.
          The lesson learned is NEVER put off those promptings to do little acts of kindness. Tatiana, Bob and I have pondered who benefits the most. Certainly the one being served is grateful (she worried whether he'd be offended at the presumption that he needed to have some service rendered  andI assured her he would never, ever mind shortbread cookies! and as a stressed spouse, I am very, very grateful for every act of kindness to my husband in his last days); or we pondered,whether the one doing the serving is chalking up the "brownie points" or "gold stars" in their crown. We've decided that when the Savior said:
"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." --Mosiah 2:17; Matthew 25:40
          By his example, the Savior was showing us that it is better to give than receive, but in order for there to be opportunities for this service someone has to be in need. There is a time in life to give service and an other time in life to receive service from others. This includes helping teach our children how to serve others.
"But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another." --Mosiah 4:15
          Certainly Tatiana was teaching Mattie and Caleb to love and serve others.
          King Benjamin goes on in verse 16 of Mosiah to tell all of us, "And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; "

Mattie gives Bob a refill of Shortbread Cookies

Tatiana, Caleb and Mattie make a late night delivery

Tatiana shares the recipe here for the most delicious, rich, buttery shortbread cookies we've ever tasted:
HINT: you can NOT substitute margarine, etc. in the following recipe. You must use REAL BUTTER!

Basic Shortbread Cookies

1 cup   butter, softened

½ C     sugar

¼ tspn vanilla extract

2 ½ C  unbleached all-purpose flour

⅛ tspn salt

Beat butter at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy, gradually add sugar, beating well. Stir in vanilla.

Combine flour and salt, gradually add to butter mixture, beating at low speed until blended. Dough will be crumbly.

Roll dough to ½ inch thickness on a lightly floured surface. Cut in small rectangular cookies ( Bob liked them 3” X 3”) or cut with a 2 ½ inch round cutter or shaped Christmas cookie cutter. Place 2 inches apart on an ungreased baking sheet.

Bake at 275° for 50 minutes or until bottoms begin to brown. Cool 2 minutes on baking sheet, remove to a wired rack to cool completely.

--courtesy of “Christmas Cookies”

HAPPY EATING

Who We Really Are - An Epiphany

Scripture: “We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.” –Article of Faith 1

 I Know Who Bob Really Is

One of life’s great questions is, “Who am I?”  At the end of the summer of 1978, I had a remarkable experience that gave me my first glimmer of an answer to that question. My studies made me more aware of the nature of God, how he works or in other words, “His Ways,” and how this knowledge affects me as His daughter. This experience was literally an epiphany.

The American Heritage Dictionary says that an epiphany is: a revelatory manifestation of a divine being; a sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something; a comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization: “I experienced an epiphany, a spiritual flash that would forever change the way I viewed myself.”- Frank Maier.

          While talking with Bob, whom I’d never met, on our second phone call in the summer of 1978, the Holy Ghost descended upon me, enabling me to see or know Bob as God knows him. I beheld his eternal nature. I was humbled that this great soul would select me to be his eternal companion…and yes, at that moment I knew that he would indeed ask me to marry him, and we would be sealed together in the temple for time and all eternity. 

As a member of the church I’d received the gift of the Holy Ghost after I was baptized in 1965. But I’d never experienced anything but the subtle influences of that still small voice, until this epiphany. It took place in time for over an hour as I talked on the phone with Bob. This occurred simultaneously; now I realize that this was the way God perceives, everything all at once.

Scripture: “…but there is no God beside me, and all things are present with me, for I know them all.” –Moses 1:6

Needless to say, I didn’t apply this vision to myself for many years. I just knew how great Bob was, and that I was honored that he wanted me for his eternal companion for not only time, but for eternity. As a Latter Day Saint I believe that we are spiritual sons and daughters of Heavenly Father and literally that our spirits were born to heavenly parents. As His children, we lived for many hundreds of thousands of years with them, brothers and sisters in what is called the Pre-existence.

In my epiphany I’d seen Bob in the pre-existence, and I saw how he agreed to the circumstances of the life he was to live here upon earth, and then I was privileged to see him in the eternities as God saw him. 

This has certain parallels with Abraham’s experience as recounted in the Book of Abraham 3:22-26

Scripture: “Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these were many of the noble and great ones;

            “And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou wast born.”

            Everyone who ever has lived upon this earth was with God as spirit children in the pre-existence and when there was a Grand Council held where God told us that we could progress only if we obtained a body and came to an earth just as He once had, we had to decide which plan presented in this council we would follow. Christ presented a plan and Satan presented a plan. The resulting action is often referred to as the war in heaven.

Scripture: “And there stood one among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him: We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we will make an earth whereon these may dwell;

            “And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;”

            This scripture is actually quoted in my patriarchal blessing.  I have made it a focal point in my life to be found doing what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing. Thus this blog.

          Here is a photo of Bob at about five years old and one a little older.

A Swarm of Service

Beekeeping Surprises

          Every Spring bees swarm and this past few weeks have been no exception here in Southern Arizona. The TV news people are telling us what to do with all those swarming bees. Bill Welch, one of my husband's best friends came to visit this morning. I had discovered yesterday through a mutual friend, Roy Lacey, that both were very interested in bees. Turns out Bill had some 80 hives when he was a young man. He's had lots of practical experience with bees. He told me he had a hive under a grapefruit tree and he would go lay out on the ground near the entrance to the hive and just watch them. "They were really docile. Some of them would return to the hive with various colors of pollen." It was a very special time for this beekeeper. I asked him about swarming and he told me it is simply that the hive was too crowded over the winter and the queen had laid several "eggs" in specially built hexagonal chambers that were fed exclusively with royal jelly and had become "large as a peanut." So the queen bee decided it was time to go find a new home. It was simply like splitting a ward in the church; when a congregation reached around 700 they split it into two wards.
          I asked if it was a terrible thing for home owners to kill all the swarms they found near their home if on a branch of a tree, (obviously not in their home) and he said, "Oh that's not good because without the bees our fruit trees would just flower and never bear fruit. More often than not they are just swarming then sending out scouts to find a new place to live." He went on to say that a real beekeeper would take a cardboard box (He actually did this and it was no big thing) and give a sharp tap to the branch and all the bees would fall into the box. He'd then tape it up, carry it home to a prepared hive box, open it up and tip it toward the entrance and they'd all just march in, happy as can be. Well, I'll bee doggone. With the advent of an Africanized strain of bees, however, since Bill retired he only has two hives (they are still a lot of work);  one is an aggressive hive and one is a docile hive. Now he wears protection all of the time; but before he'd let the bees crawl all over him if they wanted to.

We have Been Covered in Service This Past Week        

          A ward in our LDS church is like a hive when it comes to service. When a worker bee finds a source of pollen he returns to the hive and lets everyone know the directions to that source. In a ward, the members let the leadership know where there is a need for service and the Ward Council meets and discusses what can be done to help. This past week Bob and I have been the focus of prayers, phone calls, offers to bring over dinner and lots of other small acts of kindness. I've decided that at this time in my life where my whole focus is on my eternal companion, Bob, that I will blog these last special days of his life. Bill called this a transition stage. To a non-member they wouldn't understand this terminology, but knowing who we are, where we came from, why we are here and where we go after we die is knowledge that provides Joy and Hope rather than fear, despair, anxiety and all the other sad emotions that occur when a loved on is dying or has died. My blog will hopefully reflect our philosophy, be relatively positive, yet realistically record a truly special person's final days on this earth. We all have regrets, felt we are failures in some area of our life and come to realize, when time runs out, that ooops we don't have any time left to do those things that we've either procrastinated or we'd been too scared to do for some reason. There are regrets of omission and regrets of commission. Maybe, Bob, who is very very private will open up and talk about some of these things. I'm the fortunate one because I get to see the love and esteem others have for him, and the kind, little (and sometimes not so little) acts of kindness they bestow on our family.

I'll Present Bob's Life in Photos and Stories

Sometimes in His Own Words Via His Writings, Too

At the end of this blog is a photo of Bob about 1933 on his Tricycle. No, he doesn't have much interest in cowboys, guns and such now, but he did ride a bicycle on Kwajalein, in the Marshall Islands, when we lived there in the early 1990s. He's actually only owned one red plaid flannel shirt in his adult life that I know about, but Brianna our daughter decided that it was hers now.

Bri wears her father, Bob's, Red Flannel Shirt

She also captured an old T-shirt from the 1994 50th Anniversary Commemoration of the Battle of Kwajalein-Roi-Namur. He had thrown it away and she said, "No Way," and hauled it out of the trash and  took it home with her. She said that since she was pregnant, it would come in handy when she'd just want a large, soft T-shirt to wear and this one was just perfect, holes and stains and all.

Bob's Kwaj Tshirt is just the right soft bluejeans color for Bri since she's expecting. She anticipates wearing this large soft Tshirt a lot in the last months of her pregnancy. By the way, it's a boy and her due date is Bob's birthday!

Memories of our parents lives are special and their clothing, toys, books and other possessions become special touchstones to us.

Bob plays cowboy about age 3 riding his greyhound tricycle