Anniversaries of memorable and life changing events
are celebrated in many ways.
You don't think of the death of a loved on as a day to celebrate an anniversary, but it is! Whether you want to or not, the date brings back vivid memories. As the date approaches there are intense emotions and changes in the physical, intellectual and spiritual dimensions of your life.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places"
--Ernest Hemingway
Healing Comes When We Honor Our Loved One
By Sharing and Symbolic Activities
Robert Eugene Field
30 Sept 1930 - 9 May 2012
As the anniversary of my husband's death approached, I decided to be gentle with myself and include my daughter in some sort of special remembrance of his life and our lives together. Bob loved cooking and food in general. He won my heart by cooking amazing dinners for me when I first visited him in Nashville, TN. I have a video of him making his famous meatballs! But first and foremost he loved Indian food. He often told people that when he lived in England, working for Proctor and Gamble, he would occasionally have to commute to London and catch the late train home to Newcastle located further north. So he'd go to Soho and eat dinner, trying a new restaurant each time. He was walking down the street and this wonderful smell of exotic spices wafted out to meet him as he walked down the street. He followed his nose and found an Indian Restaurant. He said from that day on he always came back to that Indian Restaurant because he was hooked.
Whenever we traveled... anywhere in the world from Atlanta, GA to Bangkok, Thailand we found the local Indian Restaurant to try out. My mother, knowing how much he loved Indian food, bought him a wonderful cookbook and from that day on, Chicken Curry became one of our family's "special" dinner treats. Although he followed the recipe book, Bob would tweek it so that every time it was just a little different. Brianna and I laugh at the memory of that page in his cookbook. It is so covered with yellow and brown spots, greasy prints and stains that it "could almost stand on its own!"
The restaurant we found here in Tucson is called Saffron: Indian Bistro located on North Oracle. Bob and I went there several times. It was a bit pricey for our budget, but the lunch buffet was within our budget at $8.95.
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| Saffron Indian Bistro, North Oracle Blvd., Tucson, AZ |
Brianna and Bob had their last Daddy-Daughter date at this wonderful restaurant about a month before he died. In fact, he never left the house again after this date. I asked if she would like to go there this year to remember him. Yes!
It was truly a wonderful day!! Could've been sad, but wasn't... Having Bri there was just the sweetest thing, and we did do lots of remembering... like the great waitress at Saffron who had asked Bob, "Is there anything more I can get you?" and Bob answering, "Yes, another little bowl of Khir (tasty rice desert)" and she brought maybe as many as four more little bowls to him!!!
Visiting Bob's Grave Site Seemed An Appropriate
Symbolic Activity To Share With Brianna
Not knowing how long this would take, Bri got a baby sitter and we went to the LDS Binghampton Cemetery, located on North Alvernon Way in Tucson, AZ, first thing this morning. Yesterday, I'd gone to Michael's to find some type of container and white flowers (preferably Bob's favorite...roses) to place by his grave. Something tasteful, that he would like. I found no roses but did discover white geraniums that said they were water resistant. The only container I could find in metal was a tall vase like shape in a bronze color. I went to Ace Hardware and bought Quik-Crete. Last night I poured this mortar into the vase and set the flowers into it along with a couple tubes that I could insert flags into if I wanted on some later date. This made it full to the edge of the vase so that during the rainy season, water would not sit in it to create a place for mosquitoes to breed. It also made it heavy enough so that wind wouldn't blow it over. It set up hard as rock overnight.Just to be certain it wouldn't blow over or be removed, however, we dug a shallow ditch, mixed up more Crete and poured it into the hole, then set the vase into it.
Notice the howling coyote? Dale Leeson, a very talented metal artist, created the howling coyote that I'd placed there when Taylor Lancaster and I visited his grave last fall.
Then we noticed that there was a gallon water jug behind his headstone and that someone had planted a barrel cactus just behind his grave to the right. What a cute little surprise. Someone, and I think it was Bob's son, Rob, planted this little barrel cactus. They left a gallon of water there so whoever came to visit could give it a little drink. And we did!
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| A Small Barrel Cactus Symbolic of Surviving in a Hostile Land |
What a delightful day of Remembering and Healing!
